After watching "The Social Dilemma" documentary, I got really discouraged about what social media is doing to the world. So, I decided to do a little experiment - to stop using social media for 30 days and see what happens. For starters, let me disclose that I don't have Facebook. I entirely deleted it when the Cambridge Analytica debacle came about. Twitter was something I never got into despite having an account but trying to get better at it. I have, however, been a frequent user of Instagram as I appreciate its simplicity. And yes, I am fully aware it's owned by Facebook. But you can't win them all. The rest of the social media apps never really grabbed my attention. And I'll come clean and say it now, I am not a big fan of dating apps, nor do I consider them social media platforms in the true sense (but we can argue about that some other time).
So, back to what I was saying. The day after watching "The Social Dilemma," which was a Monday, I deleted Instagram from my phone. I was thinking, how hard can this possibly be? I generally don't have any difficulty quitting something cold turkey, be it smoking, drinking, or eating meat.
That's why the first four days caught me by surprise. I was not sleeping well, which made me groggy in the morning, causing me to get out of bed later than usual, skipping my morning routine that includes tea, stretching, some deep breathing, and meditation. Not having that time for myself threw me off. As the days went on, the social media withdrawals kicked in, and boy, were they unexpected. At first, I thought I was angry. But then I realized that what I was experiencing was this intense internal turmoil. On a scale of 1-10, my intensity went from my regular 7 to 16, and I vividly remember making one of my closest friends scared just by the way I was talking to him about my day. It was coming out at the most random times. It was like being caught in a shitstorm of all the emotions I hadn't been dealing with. I was constantly distracting and soothing myself with any available "pacifier" (mostly IG). Then Friday came, day 5, and I could finally sit down, breathe, and figure out what was happening and why. The storm had settled, and a moment of calm came over me. The weekend started nicely without any red flags. Occasionally wandering in the back of my mind what my IG friends are up to without any real desire to get on the app. Then Sunday evening arrived, and I realized as I was eating my chocolate-covered almonds and finishing a third Negroni that I had just masturbated for the second time that day. But I was too tired to give it more attention and just passed out.
My screen time was down by 53%.
On Monday, I came home after an extremely long workday and had enough sake that put me to sleep instantly.
On Tuesday, I realized I wasn't communicating with any of my friends due to my high irritation. The feeling of internal restlessness grew, as did my consumption of chocolate, alcohol, and porn. I woke up on Friday feeling empty, disappointed, disconnected, and hungover. I felt so numb that I couldn't do anything. I felt unsettled and irritated. And that was finally enough for me to realize I needed to change some things or this will not end well. So, I set Saturday aside for self-care. Extended meditation, journaling, stretching, accompanied by some hot tea and a soulful playlist. I felt more in my body than I had for the past couple of months.
It was evident that to deal with this emotional turmoil that kept reappearing, I had to go all in and eliminate my other "pacifiers" - porn/masturbation, sugar, and alcohol. So on Sunday, I gave myself one last day to indulge and started fresh on Monday. Because that's what you do. The remaining two weeks of no social media included no drinking, eating refined sugar, or indulging in porn/masturbation. It's undeniable that those just replaced whatever the apps were providing me with: a jolt of dopamine and a distraction from internal pain that I wasn't even aware of. It's so easy to hop on social media whenever we feel bored, some little discomfort bubbles up, or feel the need for instant connection or validation. Most of the time we just want to escape it all.
The following week began on a positive note, as I prioritized self-care and felt less troubled. However, life presented a challenge to test my resolve. Whether it was my determination or the influence of the book "When Things Fall Apart," I did not succumb to my usual coping mechanisms. Instead of seeking distractions, I faced my emotions head-on, reflecting on past disappointments and acknowledging my resilience.
Once I reached day 30, my screen was down 79%, and one thing became quite apparent. Not being on social media affected how I thought, behaved, and felt. I am not an influencer who spends his life on the apps, but I could tell I was making different choices about spending my days and where my energy went. I noticed I wasn't trying to do things to impress anyone, think of a clever post, search my photo albums for something that would get attention, make me look creative or cool, or plan my days around the possibility of a great photo op. I wasn't trying to elevate my value for potential "suitors" in any way. I was doing things that felt good and brought me joy. My thoughts and choices were unaffected by quotes, ideas, and images I saw or some deep desire of having to keep up. I had more time and energy to pursue other things and spend quality time with people who matter. It was also a great example of how fleeting the connections we think we have there are. Because just as I did, most of us use it to soothe, to get momentary validation, a sense of connection, or just a distraction from what's happening. If I may generalize, in a way, we are all using each other without any genuine attempt to make a true connection. We get what we want in the moment and move on. I don't think there's any conscious malice behind it. We all just got used to this behavior.
Additionally, to provide you with some simple but helpful facts, most of the people I follow and communicate with on the app have my email and phone number, but over the month I was gone, only two people reached out to see if I was okay.
I didn't miss social media at the end of the month. And to say that I felt calmer after the 30 days is an understatement. I felt content and in control of my emotional state and more in touch with what was going on internally. My mind felt clearer, and I felt a sense of comfort for once again understanding my worth without it being subconsciously undermined by scrolling and searching for evidence of why I don't belong or am not good enough. Another lesson after all this for me was this... There's no way to get around feeling what I have to feel, no matter how many "pacifiers" I use, and nobody out there can or will make things better for me. I am the only one that can do that. I am the only one fully responsible for how I feel, and I am the only one I need to rely on to make that happen. And also, that no matter how many thousands of likes or flirty DMs I get, they can't substitute a hug or a phone call from someone who truly cares.
Being back and sharing this, I honestly don't have any natural desire to participate right now as the time away has shifted my perception and need for it. But who knows what will happen in a month or two?
-Michal